Escape to Paradise: Thailand's Unbelievable Eskimo-Themed Resort!
Escape to Paradise: Thailand's Unbelievable Eskimo-Themed Resort! - A Review That's Not Afraid to Get Real (and Frosty!)
Okay, let's be honest. When I saw "Eskimo-Themed Resort" in Thailand, my brain short-circuited a little. Eskimos? In Thailand? My expectations were… well, let's just say I was prepared for something interesting. What I wasn't prepared for was just how interesting, and sometimes, flat-out bonkers, this place actually is. Buckle up, because this review is gonna be a rollercoaster, just like the emotions I rode while getting to "Paradise."
First Impressions (and a Few Questions):
Finding the place was an adventure in itself. Thankfully the Airport transfer whisked me away, otherwise, navigating the Thai countryside with no idea where this snow-covered fantasy world was located might have broken me. Once I arrived, I was greeted by… well, imagine a tropical lagoon, shimmering under the Thai sun, and giant igloos dotted around. Surreal, right?
Accessibility - Almost There, But…
This is where we get a little… patchy. The resort boasts "Facilities for disabled guests," which is promising. They even have an elevator! (Thank goodness, because some of those igloo suites look like they could be on the top of a mountain.) However, specifics are hard to pin down, and navigating the sandy pathways between the "ice" buildings might be a challenge for someone using a wheelchair. Definitely call ahead and REALLY clarify the Accessibility details. They're probably doing their best, so hopefully, things are constantly improving here. I saw potential in multiple aspects, but I wouldn't bet my vacation on it yet.
Rooms - Cozy Igloos (with a Few Quirks):
My room, thankfully, was accessible, and was an Air conditioned Arctic haven, complete with a desk, refrigerator, coffee/tea maker, a mini-bar, and the all-important Wi-Fi [free]. And yes, Wi-Fi in all rooms - thank goodness! I have a lot to say about the Internet [LAN], and you might need a little help to get set up, and the signal can go down from time to time, but the free Wi-Fi is enough to get me by - especially when surrounded by palm trees and "snow." Additional toilet and interconnecting room(s) available if needed, and the bathtub was a welcome luxury.
The blackout curtains were a godsend for those tropical sunrises. And the bathrobes and slippers? Made me feel like a polar explorer, albeit a very relaxed one. Side note: the Slippers that were in my room were terrible. Daily housekeeping made it easy to have a clean room, but getting the towels delivered, was a nightmare.
Cleanliness and Safety - A Mixed Bag of Snow, Ice and Sanitizer:
The resort is fairly clean, and they’re trying. There are Hand sanitizer stations everywhere. Staff trained in safety protocol. Anti-viral cleaning products were visibly in use. BUT, a serious cleanliness check would be a great thing to implement in the restrooms, and the Rooms sanitized between stays promise is not always being held up - I could see dust on the table. Rooms sanitization opt-out available is also a good touch. Hot water linen and laundry washing and Hygiene certification adds to the illusion of a perfect arctic haven.
The Safe dining setup in the restaurants was a big plus, and they do a good job with Physical distancing of at least 1 meter and Safe dining setup. The CCTV in common areas adds an extra layer of security.
Food, Glorious (and Weirdly Themed) Food:
Now, this is where things get really interesting. Prepare for a culinary adventure!
- Dining, drinking, and snacking are a must. They have multiple Restaurants, the Asian cuisine in restaurant is pretty delicious - and the Western cuisine in restaurant is fine for those in a pinch. Breakfast service is available, and there’s a Buffet in restaurant with the options. And if you're feeling lazy (or just really want to pretend you're hibernating), there's room service [24-hour].
- Theming, Theming, Theming. They seem to be trying to incorporate the theme into some dishes, but let's just say, my "Eskimo taco" was an experience I’ll never forget. (Maybe not in a good way.) And the Happy hour is a saving grace.
- Variety. The Coffee/tea in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, and Soup in restaurant options were good. Desserts in restaurant were… well, the ice cream was good.
- Dietary Awareness. There is a Vegetarian restaurant, but with a little planning, you could probably eat pretty well here.
- In-room treats. Breakfast in room is available if you're feeling fancy.
Things To Do… and Ways to Relax:
Okay, time to unwind.
- Relaxation. The Massage was pretty good, and the Sauna and Steamroom were welcome additions. I didn't see a Pool with view, but the outdoor Swimming pool [outdoor] was a godsend in the heat.
- Pampering. They offer Body scrub and Body wrap, if you're into that kind of thing.
- Fitness. I didn’t use the Fitness center but it seemed decent enough.
- Not For Everyone. There isn't a Poolside bar so you would have to get up to go to the Snack bar.
- For the Kids. The resort is Family/child friendly, with Kids facilities and a Babysitting service.
Services and Conveniences - A Touch of Chaos:
- Helpful Things. The Concierge was helpful, and they have Cash withdrawal and Currency exchange for convenience. The Laundry service and Ironing service were a lifesaver. Daily housekeeping was on-point.
- The Inevitable Mess-ups. The front desk will sometimes forget your requests, and they might be a little discombobulated on occasion.
- Business Ready. The Business facilities include Meeting/banquet facilities and Meeting stationery if you're trying to mix business with pleasure.
Getting Around - Smooth Sailing (Mostly):
- Ease of Access. The Car park [free of charge] is a definite plus. Taxi service is readily available. The resort offers Airport transfer, but I recommend arranging it beforehand to avoid any potential hiccups.
Accessibility - The Real Verdict:
Look, this place is a trip. It's quirky, it's unusual, and it definitely has its issues. But there's a certain charm to it. It's like a slightly-wonky but genuinely enthusiastic friend. If you're looking for a perfectly polished, faultless experience, this might not be it. But if you're up for an adventure, a laugh, and a story to tell, then Escape to Paradise could be a surprisingly good time.
My Honest Advice:
- Manage Expectations: Don't expect perfect execution. Embrace the imperfections.
- Do Your Homework: Call ahead. Ask specific questions about accessibility, especially if you have mobility concerns.
- Embrace the Absurdity: The theme is… unique. Go with it.
- Pack Light: You'll want to be able to move around the property, so avoid unnecessary luggage.
- Bring Bug Spray: Trust me.
- Have Fun: Seriously. This place is memorable.
The Perfect Booking Angle (and My Actual Recommendation):
Tired of the Same Old Beach Vacation? Crave a Unique Escape?
Escape to Paradise: Thailand's Unbelievable Eskimo-Themed Resort! is calling your name!
Imagine this: you're lounging by a shimmering tropical pool, the Thai sun warm on your skin, but you're surrounded by giant igloos and the faint promise of a blizzard… in Thailand! This incredibly unique resort offers a truly unforgettable experience, perfect for breaking free from the ordinary.
Here’s why Escape to Paradise is a must-book:
- The Unbelievable Theme: You won't find anything else like it! Your Instagram feed will thank you.
- Relaxation Redefined: Unwind with a massage, a dip in the pool, or a session in the sauna. Forget the world, right here.
- A Culinary Adventure: From surprisingly delicious Asian cuisine to… well, let's just say interesting takes on international dishes, every meal is an experience.
- Instagrammable Moments Galore: Every corner of this resort is a photo opportunity.
- A Destination with Heart: Despite its quirks, this resort offers a genuine warmth and hospitality that will make you feel right at
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your perfectly curated, Instagram-filter-approved itinerary. This is my Eskimo Resort, Thailand, adventure, warts and all. Let's get messy.
Eskimo Resort: My (Almost Certainly) Unforgettable Thailand Fiasco
(Because, let's be honest, "adventure" is a euphemism for "likely clusterf")*
Day 1: Arrival (and a near-meltdown at the airport)
- 6:00 AM: The alarm shrieks. I consider deleting the whole trip and becoming a hermit who only interacts with cats. No such luck. Reality bites.
- 7:00 AM: Airport. Seriously, why do they make the airport so damn confusing? I’ve got my passport, my sunscreen (SPF 50, because I’m pale enough to make Casper jealous), and an anxiety level that could power a small city. Oh, and I almost lost my boarding pass three times. Clumsy as ever, I am.
- 9:00 AM: Flight! After a frantic race to the gate that involved a rogue luggage cart and a near-collision with a baby stroller (sorry, tiny human!), I'm airborne. I swear the guy next to me is snoring already. Good for him. I'm bouncing off the walls.
- 10:00 AM (Thailand Time): Touchdown! Bangkok's heat hits me like a brick. It's… intense. I swear I can feel the humidity clinging to my eyelashes.
- 12:00 PM: Transportation to Eskimo Resort. This is where things get… interesting. I navigate taxis which I am already dreading. They said it was an hour and a half away, this should be fun. I find myself fighting motion sickness.
- 2:00 PM: Check-in. The resort itself is stunning, I'll give it that. Looks like a picture. The white sand, the turquoise water… it's almost… too perfect. Makes me suspicious. There's a slight mix-up with my room (naturally). Apparently, someone else is also named "Sarah," and they gave her my ocean-view villa. Ugh, the drama. One of the staffs is helpful but barely speaks English.
- 3:00 PM: Finally, my ACTUAL room. It's still lovely, just… not ocean-view lovely. I console myself with the mini-bar (hello, Singha beer!). Also, I swear there's a gecko in the bathroom the size of a small dog. I'm not sure I'm emotionally prepared for this level of wildlife.
- 4:00 PM: Pool time! I try to relax, but my brain keeps replaying the baby stroller incident. Plus, I think my sunburn is already developing. I can feel it. Oh the sting.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at the resort restaurant. The food is divine, all the local foods and drinks that I could ever imagine. I'm convinced the pad thai is the best thing I've ever tasted. BUT, the waiter seems determined to clear my plate before I'm even finished chewing. Very strange experience.
- 9:00 PM: Bed. I'm exhausted from all the traveling, the sun, and the existential dread that comes with being in a new place. I should've brought a book. Praying I don't encounter that gecko again.
Day 2: Beach Bliss (with a side of near-disaster)
- 8:00 AM: Wake up. Sunscreen application is now a ritual. I'm starting to resemble a lobster. Breakfast is a blur of exotic fruits, which I attempt to pronounce correctly (fail).
- 9:00 AM: Beach. The sand is genuinely the softest thing I've ever felt. I’m suddenly obsessed with seashells. I found a few and I am absolutely determined to take them home. The ocean is clear, and the gentle is soothing. I'm almost… peaceful.
- 11:00 AM: Snorkeling! Okay, this was a mistake. I had absolutely no business trying to snorkel. The water got into my mask, I swallowed half the ocean, and I panicked. I almost drowned. I ended up clinging to a buoy, gasping for air, while a family of brightly colored fish looked on, judging me. Humiliating.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. I need carbs. I am so very much in need of carbs. I practically inhale a plate of fried rice and then promptly regret it because my stomach is churning from the ocean water.
- 2:00 PM: Massage time! Finally, some relaxation. The massage is incredible, kneading out all the tension from my near-death experience. I almost fall asleep. This is what paradise is like.
- 4:00 PM: I walk around the island, and I found a hidden waterfall. The rocks are slippery. I slipped and fell. I'm covered in mud.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner. More amazing Thai food. I’m starting to think I could live on this stuff. I manage not to choke on the entire meal this time. Small victories.
- 9:00 PM: I try to work on my tan, and I fall into the pool. I am not a graceful person, that is for sure.
Day 3: Adventure (and a potential food poisoning incident)
- 8:00 AM: Feeling slightly worse. I think the fried rice might be making a comeback. I have a feeling this will be a rough day.
- 9:00 AM: Boat trip to a nearby island. The boat ride is bumpy. I'm still worried about the fried rice. The island is beautiful. We go snorkeling. This is a redeeming experience from before. I see so many tropical fishes, and I actually enjoyed it.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at a local restaurant on the island. I make a mistake. I don't know what I ate, I have a sinking suspicion.
- 2:00 PM: The sickness hits. I am dying. I spend the next few hours running between the beach and the… well, you get the idea. I’m pretty sure food poisoning is not on the resort’s list of “things to experience.” This is bad. This is so very bad.
- 6:00 PM: I manage to drag myself back to my room. I'm a sweaty, wretched mess. I've never been so grateful for the concept of a bed. I'm pretty sure I’m hallucinating.
- 8:00 PM: The resort staff, bless their hearts, bring me some bland rice and ginger ale (the universal cure, apparently). I can barely keep it down.
- 9:00 PM: I crawl into bed, praying for a swift and painless passing (or, you know, just to survive until morning).
Day 4: Recovery (and a newfound appreciation for clean water)
- 9:00 AM: I'm alive! Weak, shaky, but alive. The sun is shining way too brightly. I’m pretty certain I’ve lost a couple of pounds, though, so silver linings, right?
- 10:00 AM: Cautiously sip some water. It tastes like the nectar of the gods after yesterday.
- 11:00 AM: I bravely venture out of my room. I slowly walk to the beach.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. I'll stick to plain rice.
- 2:00 PM: More rest. I am going to read the book I brought.
- 7:00 PM: The worst of it is over. I managed to eat a complete meal.
- 9:00 PM: Bed.
Day 5: Departure (and the realization that I might actually miss this mess)
- 8:00 AM: Packing. Surprisingly, I haven’t lost too much stuff. The seashells are tucked safely away (I’ll deal with customs later).
- 9:00 AM: Last swim in the pool. I actually enjoyed it.
- 10:00 AM: Check-out. This time, no room mix-ups! (Miracle).
- 11:00 AM: Taxi to the airport. I have a flashback to the horrific traffic.
- 12:00 PM: Airport. This time, it's less chaotic.
- 2:00 PM: The flight. I'm actually a little sad to be leaving. Despite the near-drowning, the food poisoning, and the gecko, I kinda loved being in Thailand.
- ??? PM (Somewhere over the ocean): Reflecting. It wasn’t perfect. It was messy, imperfect, and frequently terrifying. But it was my trip. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what made it so special. I would totally go again… maybe next time I would stick to the resort.
Okay, wait... Eskimo-themed resort in Thailand? Are you serious?
Seriously. I initially scoffed, thought it was some elaborate prank. Thailand? Eskimo? My brain literally short-circuited. But then I saw the pictures... and the allure of utter absurdity was too strong. I had to see it to believe it. And let me tell you, it's… an experience. A deeply, fundamentally *weird* experience. Imagine a giant igloo plonked down next to a shimmering turquoise sea. It's like someone threw a snow globe into a tropical blender.
What's the actual *theme* like? Are we talking igloos and huskies on the beach?
Okay, so picture this: Think… *vague* Eskimo. There are igloo-shaped bungalows, yes. Not authentic, though. More like… whimsical interpretations. They’re comfortable! I'll give them that. And the “huskies?” Nope. Instead, they had these weird, fluffy, white dogs, who I *think* were Samoyeds, but they were WAY too fluffy for the heat. They mostly just sprawled in the shade, looking vaguely disdainful at the whole charade. There were also some… let's call them "Arctic-inspired" decorations, like fake icicles (plastic and slowly melting in the humidity, naturally). And a weird ice sculpture of a palm tree. Don't ask. Honestly, the theme is less "Eskimo" and more "Someone saw a picture of an Eskimo and *really* tried."
Were the igloos hot? Did you freeze?
The igloos weren't hot, thankfully. Air conditioning is a godsend. I was expecting a stuffy, airless coffin, but it was quite pleasant. And no, I didn't freeze. Though, I did have a moment of sheer, unadulterated confusion when I was trying to figure out how to work the (Arctic-themed, naturally) room controls. The thing was covered in what looked like Inuit script. Maybe a translation app would have helped... or perhaps I just needed a drink.
Tell me about the food. Was it… Eskimo food?
The food was… a journey. They had a buffet. And it was a *weird* buffet. There were, like, absolutely amazing Thai curries and fresh fruit, all of which were pretty good. Then you had the "themed" food. I saw a "blubber burger" (no, I did not try it). Then there was something they called "Arctic Pizza" – which tasted like… well, it tasted like pizza, but with, maybe, a hint of desperation. I’m pretty sure the chef just threw whatever was left over at it. The dessert selection was the most baffling. There were Thai mango sticky rice (delicious, classic) and... a chocolate fountain. With marshmallows. Because… Arctic? The whole thing was a glorious, chaotic mess.
What was the best part?
Honestly, the best part was the sheer *unadulterated strangeness* of it all. Waking up in an "igloo" and then stepping out onto a pristine, white-sand beach? It was… surreal. It's the kind of thing you'd make up in a fever dream. And the staff were incredibly friendly and helpful, which made it all the more endearing. They didn't seem to question the concept, they just rolled with it. And that's a certain kind of magic, right there. That and the Thai massages. They were phenomenal. Forget the fake ice sculptures – the *real* treasures were the massages.
What was the *worst* part?
Okay, let me elaborate on my feeling about the "Arctic-themed" aspects again. Some of them were truly *awful*. The fake icicles drooping, the half-melted ice palm. The fact that the “ice bar” was playing the same playlist on repeat. All of it was making me question life, the universe, and everything. But I’m not going to lie, the main complaint I have is the price. It wasn't *cheap*. Which means you’re paying extra for that surreal, almost-but-not-quite-executed Eskimo vibe. That can be a tough pill to swallow when you're expecting perfection. So, yes. The price. And, perhaps, the "blubber burger" situation... a little too bold for my delicate constitution.
Would you go back?
You know... probably. Not *right now*. Maybe in a few years, when the absurdity has reached peak levels of charm. Honestly, it's the kind of place that clings to your memory. It's such a bizarre, unforgettable experience. Could it be better? Absolutely. Would it be *as* memorable? Probably not. It’s imperfect. It’s strange. It's… uniquely Thailand. And, in its own wonderfully flawed way, it's kind of brilliant. I would go back, for curiosity's sake. And for more of those massages. Definitely for more of those massages. And maybe to see what new absurdities they've concocted. I’m already imagining it.
Did you actually *meet* any Eskimos?
Come on, you already know the answer. No. Absolutely not. There were no Eskimos. Just… the *idea* of Eskimos. Which, frankly, is what makes the place all the more wonderful. It’s like the resort is saying, “We have a vague concept of what this is, and we're just gonna go with it.” Honestly, it's better that way. I doubt any actual Eskimo would be impressed. I’m pretty sure they have actual things… like ice and snow.
Any advice for anyone considering going?
Embrace the weirdness. Pack sunscreen. And go with an open mind. Don't expect a perfectly executed theme park. Expect a delightful, quirky, slightly-off experience. Also, book a massage. And maybe, just maybe, sample the blubber burger. (Just kidding… maybe.) Oh! And most importantly? Bring a camera. This is one trip you'll want to document. You’ll be telling this story for years to come, believe me.
